Catch Me (I'm Falling)
by Fantasy's-Priestess
Summary: Castiel is falling. Hard. And not in the falling in love way. It's painful and bloody, and Dean is the only one who can make things alright Posted from my A03 account


**Based on the song 'Catch me I'm falling' from Next to Normal :)**

_**Catch me I'm falling**_

Castiel didn't want to fall. He didn't want lose his wings. He didn't want to lose his Grace. He didn't want to give up the family he'd had since the beginning of time. He didn't want to be useless.

He loved the humans, but that didn't mean he wanted to be one.

_**Catch me I'm falling**_

He didn't want to be human.

So why was he doing this?

_**Please hear me calling**_

He wanted to say he was doing it for humanity. He was doing it for the good of mankind.

But he wasn't.

He was doing it for the Winchesters.

_Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters._

_**Catch me I'm falling for good**_

Castiel coughed harshly into the pillow, his body folding into himself as he tried to breathe.

He felt like he was dying.

Was he dying?

Dean is human; he would know.

He would ask his human, but the Righteous Man was staring at him. His eyes were shining brightly and he was shaking. He wasn't speaking a word, a strange state for him.

He was hurting.

Was he hurting?

If he weren't steadily losing Grace, he would be able to see the hunter's soul and would know right away. Alas, he was looking into the mask of him, the thing keeping his soul and his body intact.

What cruelty, to keep such a bright soul in such a mediocre cage.

_**Catch me I'm falling**_

Castiel bit into the inside of his cheek, looking away from Dean.

He didn't want Dean to see his own tears. The unfairness of it all!

Besides, if he was dying, he didn't want the man who had lost so much to see.

_**Faster than anyone should**_

This was all so fast, so sudden. One minute he's healing his boys after a hunt. He felt weak of course, but he had felt so weak for such a long time that he assumed that he would be all right like every other time.

He was wrong.

Because seconds later this hell started.

This was honestly what he was sure what Hell felt like.

He had the greatest sympathies with Dean.

_**Catch me I'm falling**_

His insides were constantly moving, constantly changing, trying and trying and trying so fucking hard to keep up.

But they can't keep up with an angel.

What used to be an angel.

_**Losing myself in the air**_

At that moment he would give anything to be able to fly again. To be able to use the wings had rotted slowly on his back. They were practically stubs now, with one or two feathers desperately hanging on.

Like him those feathers used to be pure, but were scorched by Hell. Were scorched by Earth and Heaven and free will and _Dean Winchester._

He wishes he could say he hated everything for doing this to him.

_**Don't leave me crawling **_

He gasped and tried clutched the blankets underneath him. Pain was all he knew, all he breathed, all he saw. Just white-hot _pain_—

"Please. Please Dean."

_**Catch me and show me you care**_

He didn't know what he was begging for; for it to be over, for Dean to stop it, to return him home, to kill him...

All Cas knew was that whatever it was he couldn't wait forever.

_**Catch me I'm falling**_

Dean responded by grabbing Castiel's hands and pulling them to his chest, stilling the trembling appendages.

Castiel whined.

_**Flying head first into fate**_

He's always had a plan, a goal. As a soldier he had to have that. If he had no orders, what would be his purpose?

But now...

Why was he so bent on his own demise? He was practically killing himself; all he was and all he is was being destroyed.

He had no doubts; after all he felt like he was dying.

_**Catch me before it's too late**_

Castiel coughed again. When he pulled away from the sheet he had coughed into and grimaced.

It was red.

_**Falling**_

Dean made a noise akin to a whimper and let go of Cas' hands. In hindsight he was probably going to get water or a cloth to clean the angel up.

Cas simply didn't care however.

_**I'm falling**_

Despite the lack of strength he had, he pulled Dean close, letting his killer grip on his hand go in favor of grabbing his forearm.

Dean didn't looked surprised and instead grabbed back just as tightly.

Cas whined again and tried to pull the man closer. But he was weak, and exhausted. He couldn't bring himself to try any harder then he was now...even though he really needed the hunter close at the moment.

He was scared.

So so scared.

When he had first began to fall, like a child he believed that everything would be alright. After all, he had been feeling practically human for weeks now.

No one told him of fear. Of sickness. Of dread. Of an immeasurable pain that refused to go away.

Why would they keep that from him?

_**Catch me I'm falling**_

Dean shushed Castiel like he was a babe and petted his sweaty matted hair. The falling angel reveled in the touch, seemed to want to get closer. Never to disobey when it came to sick angels, he caressed Cas' cheek as if it was a vulnerable baby bird that had just fallen from its nest.

Not a bad description of him actually.

Dean closed his eyes and gulped. This was terrible...How could he let..._He didn't know. _his rationality whispered, sounding a lot like Cas actually.

He shook his head and grabbed Castiel a little tighter. He whimpered slightly but grabbed back.

_Ground me, touch me, love me..._

Dean seemed to hear Cas' pleas. He stood from the stool he was sitting on and went around the bed, never not touching the sick angel. He cautiously took off his shoes and delicately laid beside Cas, not quite touching him, as if he was afraid he'd break...

"Hold me." Cas whimpered, digging his face into his pillow.

And so Dean did.

The warmth and heaviness tethered Cas to the here and now, to _Dean_. It made him feel like he was flying once more.

And if he never flew again...

Cas realized that was impossible, as Dean clutched him close and the pain very slowly began to wane...

After all, with Dean...he would always fly.


End file.
